The Music Elitist

What happens when you take a watermelon, a mario-esque hammer, a bald 70’s comedian with a mustache, and the music of Metallica. You get this…
METALLAGHER!!!

Ok, now for something to love. If you’ve been living in a cave on the moon with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears you will have never heard of Bon Iver. Last winter’s newest folk obscurist. With an album that was never meant to be anything other than, a month in a cabin away from the world where one man would let out his true feelings, it’s a pretty amazing album. If you’re really one of those people on the moon, open your eyes, take your fingers out of your ears, hop on the first shuttle back to earth, and click on this link…Bon Iver

Now, it wasn’t Bon Iver I was trying to rave about, but it’s impossible for one to understand how much you’ll like this next band if you don’t like the first.  So, for Justin “Voice of Bon Iver” Vernon’s new adventure, he’s going away from the winter, and into the volcano. Volcano Choir is very up Vernon’s alley to say the least. With lush Harmonies, and minimalist electronica beats, it’s everything you’d ever want from logic pro. So, enjoy while the lava melts the sky away. Volcano Choir

Until next time. Keep talking.

Since this is my first posting on here I’ll give you all a quick introduction so you can better understand my views on this blog.

I hate mediocre music. What is mediocre music you ask? Let me give you a better idea of what I’m talking about here.

Tom Petty. I mean does that guy do anything interesting at all, has he ever? What an ass face.

Most Hardcore/Metal/Grindcore/Screamo/Spascore/Death Metal bull shit that you Ozzfest World of Warcraft monguloids love. They’re infesting every mall in america and what do they have to say for themselves other than “WE LIKE BLACK”.

Metallica, wow, there’s the clowns of the metal market right there. After “The Black Album” they SHOULD have called it quits. Only interesting was maybe the goofy looking Cherokee dreadlock sporting bass player who insisted he should have been in Korn.

I don’t even really like The Black Album. Kinda dug that one song, “Three Leaf Clover”, but that’s cause they had the NYC Philharmonic on that shit, and the NYC Philharmonic are classically trained rocket scientists, not a bunch of money grubbing wanna be metal heads.

Fall Out Boy. All things wrong with our day and age can single-handedly be blamed on this band and every Emo/Power Pop/Pop Punk/Jonas Brothers wanna be gazillionaires out there playing that Squier bass just cause that guy with the lame hair cut who likes to put pictures of his junk on the internet so he can be famous and marry Ashlee “my backing track messed up” Simpson. Douche.

So, now you know. I would go off on Contemporary Country and most Rap, but they do a good job of making themselves look like assholes.

So, now we’ll move on.

The world’s greatest super group unveiled their balls to the wall rock opus to the world today. Them Crooked Vultures made up of Dave “I love playing drums” Grohl, Josh “My old bass player was a coke head” Homme, and John Paul “Jesus” Jones. When I saw these guys at Roseland Ballroom a few weeks ago, I had a feeling I’d never felt rush over me.  I felt like I was being shot in the face with a shotgun full of Rock Salt n Roll and loving it. Listen to the album in it’s entirety on youtube.

My new favorite brooklyn hipster band is Bear In Heaven. Listen to them and bask in all it’s wheat grass electronics.

It’s the end of the world, zombies are eating that next door neighbor who never stops blasting the Gin Blossoms at 2am, and the nuclear holocaust wiped out you’re favorite sushi place, what you gonna do?

Listen to J Tillman, and take a nap of course.
With a brand new album of music you can fall asleep too, Tillman does exactly what he’s best at. Harmonies, Harmonies, Harmonies. With a lack of drumming from the Fleet Foxes drummer you’d think on a solo album he’d do more of it. But with him hitting anything he can that’s not a a drum, he gets a sequence of beats that boast his sparse musical arrangements into epic nothingness. I like it, and there’s a great video and vibe to “Though I Have Wronged You.” So watch it here. Best Video…Ever.

That’s all for today. Expect hell tomorrow.

I’ve lived in Florida my whole life and something I hear from people constantly is “I hate the radio” or “The radio sucks.” If you’ve ever listened to radio in Florida, you know those statements aren’t an exaggeration. But while all radio does in one way or another suck (no matter what state you’re in) I want to focus mainly on rock station formats in Florida.

I never listen to the radio in Orlando because the only rock station I get here is 101.1 Real Rock. This station is absolutely deplorable. Just take a look at the songs they have played in the last hour:

• Sixx A.M. – Life is Beautiful
• Silverchair – Tomorrow
• Sublime – What I Got
• Papa Roach – Lifeline
• Foo Fighters – My Hero
• Marilyn Manson – The Beautiful People
• Saving Abel – Drowning (Face Down)
• Third Eye Blind – Graduate
• Saliva – Family Reunion
• Nirvana – Lake of Fire
• AC/DC – Rock ‘n Roll Train
• Godsmack – Awake
• Slipknot – Dead Memories
• Drowning Pool – Bodies

Now, with the exception of Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Sublime and Third Eye Blind, that’s a pretty awful hour of music. Like I said, I have lived in Florida my entire life and radio has pretty much been this way the whole time. Even when I was living in South Florida the rock stations just constantly played bad music like this (with the exception of 103.1 The Buzz, but they’re not owned by Clear Channel so that’s probably why). I assumed it was just the fact that big radio stations owned by Clear Channel all play horrible music. But when I visited California last summer, my eyes were opened. Here’s KROQ’s current Top 25 most played songs:

1. Green Day – Know Your Enemy
2. Silversun Pickups – Panic Switch
3. Kings of Leon – Sex on Fire
4. Apocalyptica feat. Adam Gontier – I Don’t Care
5. Kings of Leon – Use Somebody
6. Big B feat. Scott Russo – Sinner
7. Rancid – Last One to Die
8. The Offspring – You’re Gonna Go Far Kid
9. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Zero
10. Incubus – Black Heart Inertia
11. Incubus – Love Hurts
12. Cage the Elephant – Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked
13. The Airborne Toxic Event – Sometime Around Midnight
14. Rise Against – Audience of One
15. The Killers – This is Your Life
16. Far – Pony
17. Anberlin – Feel Good Drag
18. Hollywood Undead – Undead
19. Asher Roth – I Love College
20. 311 – Hey You
21. White Lies – To Lose My Life
22. Depeche Mode – Wrong
23. Coldplay – Life in Technicolor II
24. The Offspring – Half-Truism
25. U2 – Magnificent

When we were driving around L.A. we listened to KROQ for 15 min and in a row I heard Foo Fighters, Sum 41, Atmosphere and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I was flabbergasted. Not one Nickelback or Godsmack song. Now, obviously Clear Channel wouldn’t keep Real Rock here in Orlando for so long if there wasn’t a market for it. If the amount of white trash I am surrounded by on a daily basis is any indication, there clearly is. And THAT’s why radio in Florida sucks. Because apparently the majority of people in Florida have horrible taste in music.

So Josh Freese has a new CD out. If you don’t know who Josh Freese is, he is a studio/session drummer who has played for A Perfect Circle, The Vandals, Devo and most recently Nine Inch Nails (until last year). Apparently the guy has a pretty great sense of humor. Check out the different album packages he has available. My favorite is the one that costs $75,000:

• -Signed CD/DVD and digital download.
• -T-shirt**
• -Come out on tour with me for a few days.
• -I write, record and market a 5 song EP about you and your life story.
• -Take home any of my drumsets (only one but you can pick which one)
• -*Take shrooms and cruise Hollywood in Danny from TOOL’s Lamborgini OR we play “quarters” and then hop on the Ouija board for a while.
• -If you have a band, I’ll join it for a month….play shows, record a CD together, have a swim party, etc…. or none of the above. We could also just sit in yer basement and jam old Van Halen.

OR

• If you don’t have a band I’ll be your personal assistant for a month (4 day work weeks….10 am to 5 pm) and then we take a limo down to Tijuana and I’ll show you how it’s done (what that means I can’t legally get into here, right this minute). If you don’t live in LA but are in the USA I will come to you and be your personal assistant/cabana boy for 2 weeks.
• -Take a Flying Trapeze lesson together in the San Fernando Valley and then Robin from NIN and his wife make us raw lasagna.

It’s times like this I wish I had ridiculous amounts of disposable income so I could see if he would actually do all this stuff. Anyone want to loan me $75,000? And by loan I mean, give some money I don’t have to pay back.

Deftones bassist Chi Cheng is still in a coma from a car accident back in November. His bandmates have set up a blog and donation site to help Cheng with his medical bills. Please help out if you can.

Apparently Slipknot is still angry over their “battle” with The Game for the #1 spot the first week their album came out. The funny thing about this is….THEY GOT THE #1 SPOT AND THEY’RE STILL COMPLAINING!!

Initial reports from SoundScan put rapper the Game’s LAX in the top spot by a margin of 13 albums, but after a recount the positions were reversed, with Slipknot taking it by over 1,100 units. And it’s a near-slight that still drives the band nuts, even six months later.

“Any time we get something, it’s almost like we had to steal the fucking thing,” frontman Corey Taylor tells Rolling Stone. “We had to fight for that, in true Slipknot fashion. They didn’t want to just fucking respect us and wait until all the fucking numbers were in. They were like, ‘No, you didn’t have it — you got beat by 13 CDs.’ We’ve come so fucking close so many goddamn times, and this was our time.”

For Taylor, taking the top spot is the ultimate middle finger to an industry he feels holds his band in disdain, and the victory and continued success is only made sweeter by the odds his band has overcome

I may have an explanation as to why you feel the music industry holds your band in disdain…THEY PROBABLY DO. Your band represents everything that is wrong with America: white trash. That’s what you guys are and that’s what the majority of your fans are. And why the f*ck are you still complaining??? Enjoy the victory because I doubt it’ll happen again. But, hold on. Taylor’s got more for us.

“I truly believe that every time we win, it just makes so many people angry,” he said. “Right out of the gate, we should not have been successful. We were a nine-piece metal band from Iowa wearing masks and doing this insane shit, but we were talented and we were lucky, and we went out and built this following. For us, this is a legacy.”

Very perceptive, Corey. At least he knows everyone with good taste in music hates his band. “Lucky” I’ll definitely give you, “talented” is debatable. Enjoy your legacy, Corey. Me and everyone else that DOESN’T live in a trailer want no part of it.

Source: Spin.com

Spin.com announced today that Limp Bizkit’s original lineup will be reuniting this year. Ugh…here’s some of the story:

The quintet’s plans were outlined in a statement posted to their official website, which said a European tour and a new album — the original lineup’s first since 2000’s Chocolate Starfish and the Hot Dog Flavored Water — are currently in the works.

“We decided we were more disgusted and bored with the state of heavy popular music than we were with each other,” lead singer Fred Durst and guitarist Wes Borland said in a joint statement. “Regardless of where our separate paths have taken us, we recognize there is a powerful and unique energy with this particular group of people we have not found anywhere else. This is why Limp Bizkit is back.”

Borland’s words are a total 180 degree turn from those he made a week ago while discussing his current project, the industrial-rock band Black Light Burns. “I have no plans on working with Limp again,” he told mlive.com. “It’s better for me for sure. I’m having a great time doing Black Light Burns.”

Borland had the right idea last week. But, my guess is that he saw how great the reaction to blink-182’s reunion was and realized how much f*cking money they were gonna make, so he assumed the reaction to a Limp Bizkit reunion would be just as positive. And I can’t say that he’s completely wrong. There’s a lot of people out there who like horrible music, and Limp Bizkit’s next record will probably break some kind of sales record. Rest assured I’ll be on here bitching when it happens. But, in this economy, I can’t blame Borland for putting his musical integrity on the backburner for a little bit.

Also, “disgusted and bored” by the state of heavy popular music? That’s mostly YOUR fault, guys! This awful nu metal thing started around the same time you guys showed up the first time. Don’t try and act like you weren’t involved.

Slipknot percussionist (and I use the term “percussionist” loosely since part of this guy’s arsenal are kegs played with a baseball bat) Chris Fehn was quoted by Kerrang! this week saying:

“I think we’re going to overtake [them],” Fehn told Kansas City Star. “We haven’t even made our [Metallica's 1991] Black record yet. Wait until we do that. It’s over, dude. We’re going to overtake any band that sells out soccer arenas in Europe. We’re going to do it. We’re the last chance as far as the world goes.”

It absolutely baffles me that a band as shitty as Slipknot REGULARLY talks themselves up this much. Oh, and they “haven’t even made their black record yet”. Well, you might wanna get crackin’ guys. It took Metallica 8 years to get to THEIR Black album. You’re on what? Year 10 now? And it took the Foo Fighters about 13 years to get to the point where they could sell out Wembley and they had the drummer for NIRVANA singing in their band. Good luck with that.

Don’t get me wrong, I hate Metallica as much as the next guy. But the fact that Slipknot would even attempt to COMPARE themselves with to a band like Metallica (that is for some reason considered by most to be legendary) is just appalling.

It appears cock-rockers Creed are in the middle of planning a reunion tour for 2009. I honestly can’t think of any music news I have heard this year that has made me want to blow my own brains out as much as this has. Scott Stapp is an absolute PR nightmare. I can’t believe anyone in the music industry is even willing to work with him at this point.

While the prospect of Creed reuniting is quite frightening, there was an even MORE disturbing piece of news in this article

…Stapp promptly embarked on a solo career, while guitarist Mark Tremonti, drummer Scott Phillips and original bassist Brian Marshall formed Alter Bridge with vocalist Myles Kennedy and released two albums….However, Kennedy is rumored to be the top contender to replace Robert Plant for a tour with Led Zeppelin’s Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones.

So the singer of Alter Bridge (which is basically a second rate Creed) is going to be replacing Robert Plant on tour with Led Zeppelin….WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! Clearly Jimmy Page and John Paul Jones have both lost their minds. Its bad enough they were going to go on tour without Robert Plant, but to replace him with the lead singer of Alter Bridge is just going way too far. Bonham’s rolling in his grave.

The only positive I can see in this whole situation is that if Creed decides to take Nickelback and Hinder on tour with them we can get all three of those bands in the same place and bomb the first arena they play in, also eliminating some of their fans in the process. Anyone reading this have access to explosives?

EDIT: (Quick note to Homeland Security: OBVIOUSLY I’m joking. Please don’t arrest me)

I read yesterday on absolutepunk.net that Coheed and Cambria have announced plans to tour with SlipKnot

I can't even imagine what the SlipKnot fans will do to these guys...

starting in January of 2009. If that isn’t a horrible idea then I don’t know what is. Who manages these guys? A monkey could have booked a better line-up. Whoever made that decision should be fired from whatever position they hold immediately.

I saw something similar to this happen when Finch toured with H.I.M. and Skindred back in ‘05. The crowd HATED Finch (because when you are a Skindred fan, anything resembling talent frightens you). This was right after Say Hello to Sunshine came out and they were in their weird “progressive” phase (I actually kinda dug the record). But, I guess it just wasn’t goth enough for the H.I.M. fans.

In any case, I am not sure who to feel worse for in this situation: Coheed or their fans. The SlipKnot fans will most likely riot when Coheed goes on and (in typical white trash fashion) beat the living hell out of all the Coheed fans. After which Coheed will be booed off the stage.

Good luck, guys!

UPDATE: Told ya!