The Music Elitist

I’ve lived in Florida my whole life and something I hear from people constantly is “I hate the radio” or “The radio sucks.” If you’ve ever listened to radio in Florida, you know those statements aren’t an exaggeration. But while all radio does in one way or another suck (no matter what state you’re in) I want to focus mainly on rock station formats in Florida.

I never listen to the radio in Orlando because the only rock station I get here is 101.1 Real Rock. This station is absolutely deplorable. Just take a look at the songs they have played in the last hour:

• Sixx A.M. – Life is Beautiful
• Silverchair – Tomorrow
• Sublime – What I Got
• Papa Roach – Lifeline
• Foo Fighters – My Hero
• Marilyn Manson – The Beautiful People
• Saving Abel – Drowning (Face Down)
• Third Eye Blind – Graduate
• Saliva – Family Reunion
• Nirvana – Lake of Fire
• AC/DC – Rock ‘n Roll Train
• Godsmack – Awake
• Slipknot – Dead Memories
• Drowning Pool – Bodies

Now, with the exception of Foo Fighters, Nirvana, Sublime and Third Eye Blind, that’s a pretty awful hour of music. Like I said, I have lived in Florida my entire life and radio has pretty much been this way the whole time. Even when I was living in South Florida the rock stations just constantly played bad music like this (with the exception of 103.1 The Buzz, but they’re not owned by Clear Channel so that’s probably why). I assumed it was just the fact that big radio stations owned by Clear Channel all play horrible music. But when I visited California last summer, my eyes were opened. Here’s KROQ’s current Top 25 most played songs:

1. Green Day – Know Your Enemy
2. Silversun Pickups – Panic Switch
3. Kings of Leon – Sex on Fire
4. Apocalyptica feat. Adam Gontier – I Don’t Care
5. Kings of Leon – Use Somebody
6. Big B feat. Scott Russo – Sinner
7. Rancid – Last One to Die
8. The Offspring – You’re Gonna Go Far Kid
9. Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Zero
10. Incubus – Black Heart Inertia
11. Incubus – Love Hurts
12. Cage the Elephant – Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked
13. The Airborne Toxic Event – Sometime Around Midnight
14. Rise Against – Audience of One
15. The Killers – This is Your Life
16. Far – Pony
17. Anberlin – Feel Good Drag
18. Hollywood Undead – Undead
19. Asher Roth – I Love College
20. 311 – Hey You
21. White Lies – To Lose My Life
22. Depeche Mode – Wrong
23. Coldplay – Life in Technicolor II
24. The Offspring – Half-Truism
25. U2 – Magnificent

When we were driving around L.A. we listened to KROQ for 15 min and in a row I heard Foo Fighters, Sum 41, Atmosphere and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. I was flabbergasted. Not one Nickelback or Godsmack song. Now, obviously Clear Channel wouldn’t keep Real Rock here in Orlando for so long if there wasn’t a market for it. If the amount of white trash I am surrounded by on a daily basis is any indication, there clearly is. And THAT’s why radio in Florida sucks. Because apparently the majority of people in Florida have horrible taste in music.

So Josh Freese has a new CD out. If you don’t know who Josh Freese is, he is a studio/session drummer who has played for A Perfect Circle, The Vandals, Devo and most recently Nine Inch Nails (until last year). Apparently the guy has a pretty great sense of humor. Check out the different album packages he has available. My favorite is the one that costs $75,000:

• -Signed CD/DVD and digital download.
• -T-shirt**
• -Come out on tour with me for a few days.
• -I write, record and market a 5 song EP about you and your life story.
• -Take home any of my drumsets (only one but you can pick which one)
• -*Take shrooms and cruise Hollywood in Danny from TOOL’s Lamborgini OR we play “quarters” and then hop on the Ouija board for a while.
• -If you have a band, I’ll join it for a month….play shows, record a CD together, have a swim party, etc…. or none of the above. We could also just sit in yer basement and jam old Van Halen.

OR

• If you don’t have a band I’ll be your personal assistant for a month (4 day work weeks….10 am to 5 pm) and then we take a limo down to Tijuana and I’ll show you how it’s done (what that means I can’t legally get into here, right this minute). If you don’t live in LA but are in the USA I will come to you and be your personal assistant/cabana boy for 2 weeks.
• -Take a Flying Trapeze lesson together in the San Fernando Valley and then Robin from NIN and his wife make us raw lasagna.

It’s times like this I wish I had ridiculous amounts of disposable income so I could see if he would actually do all this stuff. Anyone want to loan me $75,000? And by loan I mean, give some money I don’t have to pay back.

I read yesterday on absolutepunk.net that Coheed and Cambria have announced plans to tour with SlipKnot

I can't even imagine what the SlipKnot fans will do to these guys...

starting in January of 2009. If that isn’t a horrible idea then I don’t know what is. Who manages these guys? A monkey could have booked a better line-up. Whoever made that decision should be fired from whatever position they hold immediately.

I saw something similar to this happen when Finch toured with H.I.M. and Skindred back in ‘05. The crowd HATED Finch (because when you are a Skindred fan, anything resembling talent frightens you). This was right after Say Hello to Sunshine came out and they were in their weird “progressive” phase (I actually kinda dug the record). But, I guess it just wasn’t goth enough for the H.I.M. fans.

In any case, I am not sure who to feel worse for in this situation: Coheed or their fans. The SlipKnot fans will most likely riot when Coheed goes on and (in typical white trash fashion) beat the living hell out of all the Coheed fans. After which Coheed will be booed off the stage.

Good luck, guys!

UPDATE: Told ya!